Waiting for "Superman"

After reading a blog post by another Mom-blogger friend of mine, I became extremely fired-up yesterday! She wrote about how the librarian in her school makes the children sit single-file at lunch, and they are not allowed to talk. They get 1-15 minute recess/day and that is the only socialization they have. The best part was when she told us that if the children forget to turn in their library books, the sadistic librarian, and apparently lunch monitor makes them sit on the stage in front of everyone WITHOUT lunch, and watch the other children eat while not talking. Wow. I was outraged! How can things like this be going on in our school system? Do our teachers and other staff members care so little about our children's educations that they are ok with neglecting, abusing, and torturing them? If you treated your child like this at home, child protective services would be at your door questioning you as to why you have with-held nutrients from your child, and what you had hoped to accomplish in doing so. Why is this woman getting away with it?

I took my children to the book store last night, to pick up Charlie's teacher's gift (I'm giving her What your First Grader needs to know), and at least one book for each of them. I bought Waiting for "Superman" and What your first grader needs to know. I started reading Waiting for "Superman" first. I have not yet seen the documentary, but I am working on finding it. The book outlines what is wrong with our school system in the US, and it goes far beyond rich schools/poor schools, and points out what ALL schools as a whole are doing wrong. Our school, so far, has made several of the mistakes listed in the book.


I will be meeting with our principal because I want to talk to the her, get her feelings on the things I feel are wrong, and see where we go from there.

1. My son's teacher is an airhead. AN AIRHEAD! She is not a first-year teacher, she's been there several years, and had the audacity to tell me that my son could not possibly be reading "level D" books at home because he only demonstrated a "Level A" in class. She went on to tell me how she knew my son better after 2 weeks than I know him after 6 years. There is no way she knows what is best for my child, and I don't care that she has him doing what she feels is appropriate at this stage. He is being restricted, and if you tell a child they can't, after a while, they believe it. I can't even tell you how much I HATE HER. I've been in there several times and I've pretty much taken on my son's education myself.
a. There are 2 problems at work here.
1. Tenure. Our teacher is tenured which means that she could suck really bad, and be the worst teacher ever, and it doesn't matter because she will always have a job in First Grade at our school as long as she wants it and doesn't molest/abuse a child. It does not matter if her class scores low, they don't care.
2. Unions. We are also a union district. When I was growing up, I was completely pro-union. Both my Mom and Step-Father held Union jobs, and I believed it was a good thing. However, the unions protect the crappy teachers, they keep them secured in positions they should not have,and help them achieve pay and benefits they do not deserve.

2.I was reading about review and repetition and how it holds our children back, and that's EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT since the first day of school! My son went IN to school this year reading at a "D" level, he came home 2 weeks later with "A" level books. I was FURIOUS! They put my son into a "specialized" reading program that has only continued his backsliding and he came home on Tuesday crying to me that he's stupid because his best friend (in another class) is reading chapter books. Well...my son SHOULD BE TOO! He reads beautifully at home, but at school they have held him back so much he must believe he cannot do it. I am OUTRAGED.

3. My son's lack of willingness to try, and lack of pride in his work is disturbing, the teacher sends home these papers that I can't make heads or tails of with backwards letters and nonsense words and a stamp that says "Good Work" or "Way To Go"-I'm sorry, No. If I can't read it, it needs to be erased, re-written, and it needs to make sense. I have him writing in a journal at home, and that's exactly what I do, I make him erase it and start over.

4. Creative spelling. I'm not a supporter, believer, nor a fan of this piece of educational fodder. Why would I teach my 6 year old to spell "Stool" - "STUL" because he sounded it out and that's how it sounded to him, and then 5 months from now correct him and tell him he was wrong? Why should he have to learn it "twice"? It makes no sense so me, give me the phonics books, games, and spelling tests.
a. This is another idiotic thing our school system has adopted. I don't see it heading us anywhere but straight to dunce-land. "Yo, sup dawg" is something I hope to never, ever hear out of my son's mouth, or, any of his friends for that matter, and it has nothing to do with ethnicity!

5. Integration. Didn't we tackle this matter already, in the 50's, 60's, and 70's? Then tell me how a brand new school went up across the street from me and has first-grade classes of 14-18 students while my son's school carries as high as 27 students? We're not even talking race here, we're talking NEIGHBORHOOD. Just because these people paid $500,000 and more to build their houses, and I paid $219,000 for mine that was already built, they get to go to the school while my son gets to be bussed 8.99 miles from my home. Instead of splitting our neighborhood off, and sending the children to the school that is actually in our town, they are bussed to a neighboring town so that the "elite" can have their own school. Tell me, what is going to happen when these people have their 2.5 kids, and are done, or are too old to have children anymore? Are they going to close the school? Who will attend? It is an insane abuse of money by the parents/homeowners, and an incredible disappointment by our local government and school board.Just because my house isn't "up to snuff" they have deemed my children unworthy of a good education. Because this school is outside of our district, it doesn't have the same ridiculous philosophies ours has, and rates higher according to greatschools.org.

6. Classes are not learning the same thing. While I understand that some classes may take 2 days to learn something and others might only need 1, they should be on relatively the same schedule. However, in our school, my son is learning how to use a number line and the class across the hall is doing what I would consider "real math". My son has a friend in that class, and it's just too different, and while I don't like to compare, he brings home far different homework than MY SON does, and the level of difficulty is far above where my son is at. I am not happy with my son being "Average" or "Normal", I want him to do his absolute best every day, I want him to want to succeed and excel, and this school is not teaching that. They are preparing our children to be a group of mindless drones that cannot possibly hope to obtain scholarships. I am terrified to find out what percentage of our high school children in the last 5 or so years have gone on to college, graduated, and are holding jobs earning at least $50,000/year. I would bet, not many, perhaps only the white collar children who can obtain employment at Daddy or mommy's company.

7.The other disturbing thing our system has is a FREE, government sponsored preschool packed full of children that don't deserve to be in it. These children all come from white-collar families that donate money to the school board every year. The under-privaledged children in our district have to either go to the park district or other "private" programs, if they can't afford it, they don't go. Next year I am looking at it costing me roughly $250/mo to send my girls to the best, but still sub-par "private" pre-K programs (One will be 4, the other 3) because our school screens the students on a flawed system. My daughter had some speech issues due to fluid in her ears and she didn't qualify, but another child I know who had the very tip of her smallest finger cut off after being slammed in a door got in. HOW is 1/16th of the "Baby finger" missing more detrimental to her education than not being able to hear/talk properly? It makes NO SENSE. NONE AT ALL. It's not about the money, it's also about the fact that the kids in the school pre-k are getting a better education. They are there all day instead of just a few hours, and they are learning independence and socialization where my daughters are attending playgroups to gain these experiences. It's another thing on my list for my chat with the principal.
a. A physical disability should not be an automatic "in". It should be case-by-case based. The boy across the street with cerebral palsy? He deserves it, the girl with 1/16th of her baby fingertip missing doesn't. that slot could have gone to the child in my son's class that has a stutter (no, he didn't qualify either). However, I assume that since he was from an under-privaleged home, he was passed over for someone that donates money to our school/district.

8. Illinois is going bankrupt, and where are they most likely to cut the money? Education. Why is it that education and healthcare are always the most likely cuts for state budgeting when they could easily cut out other extraneous crap? How about taking less pay if it means one school would get enough funding for 1 year? How about cutting a few road projects that are not in dire need and concentrating on our children's futures? Politicians have it all wrong, they have completely bought into the "ME ME ME" generation mentality, and have forgotten all about the fact that the children of todady are the leaders of tomorrow. At the rate we're going, there won't be any qualified leaders and our country will follow the movie "Idiocracy" straight to hell. I believe that children in our nation could be so foolish as to think putting gatoraid on a plant would make it grow better than water, and that scares me to death!

Our nation's school system is in great peril, and I am only through the first few chapters of my book. I can't wait to get all the way through so that I can speak to the principal and our useless PTO and spread the word of what is going wrong. I will not let any of my children become another useless statistic in this country. I will home-school them before I will allow them to be morons.


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"Rivalry"

State Rivalry



As I emerged from our Wal-Mart store last night I walked passed a tiny Gremlin-looking car with a bumper sticker on it that said "Welcome To Wisconsin! Now Get Out!" - I thought wow, that's weird, seeing that they are parked in a parking lot in Illinois! I will admit it, folks, I was a bit offended by this jerky slogan. "Cheeseheads" I thought, "can't stand us, but shop in and take our money all day long."
.

It was just a few moments later that I noticed the GIANT SUV next to it that had a bumper sticker that read "This is Bears country, if you don't like it get the F**k out!" and I am not going to lie, I smiled. While I don't know the story behind these 2 cars, or how they came to be parked right next to one another, I will tell you this, the GIANT SUV had a crude packers symbol drawn on it's back window in the dirt/dust. Obviously, someone wanted to push the state rivalry a bit further, perhaps, too far.

It's an interesting thing, living right near the border to another state with a good football team. The Green Bay Packers aren't exactly what they used to be, but they are still a pretty good NFL team. I often wonder if the tension between the WI border residents and the IL border residents stems solely from football, or if there is some baseball peppered in. Personally, the Milwaukee Brewers don't even register on my radar as I am far more concerned with the Cubs vs White Sox rivalry we have right here in Illinois ;-)


It was especially interesting when I was growing up, we lived near the Illinois/Indiana border and I was raised to see "Hoosiers" as inferior. I have no idea why, just that my parents instilled in me that the people from Indiana were not as smart as us, and that I should avoid them. I was certainly not permitted to date ANYONE from Indiana, and my parents made that abundantly clear. When I brought home my first boyfriend from IN, my step father called him "the ass***e from Indiana"- It was pure hatred between the two of them. Then, we broke up and I got the "I told you so" speech. Not helpful. I still never understood why people from Illinois hated the Hoosiers so much!? Surely not everyone feels that way, but in this area if you say "Hoosiers" everyone knows that you are talking about people from Indiana...in other areas of the country they have absolutely no idea what a Hoosier is!

Wikipedia says: "Hoosier (pronounced /ˈhuːʒər/) is the official demonym for a resident of the U.S. State of Indiana.The State of Indiana adopted the nickname "Hoosier State" more than 150 years ago. "Hoosiers" is also the nickname for the Indiana University athletic teams.
In other parts of the country, the word has been adapted for other uses. In St. Louis, Missouri, the word is used in a derogatory fashion in similar context to "hick" or "white trash". “Hoosier” also refers to the cotton-stowers, both black and white, who moved cotton bales from docks to the holds of ships, forcing the bales in tightly by means of jackscrews. A low-status job, it nevertheless is referred to in various sea shanty lyrics. For example, Shanties from the Seven Seas includes lyrics that reference Hoosiers." - I'm guessing that the latter term is the one my parents tried to grind into my head. Luckily it didn't work or I would have missed out on a whole lot of wonderful people in my life!



I like to think that the Indiana/Illinois tension comes from college sports, football, and basketball, in particular, dating back many, many years ago. It's obviously not from NFL football because the Colts have only been in Indianapolis since 1984 and my family has hated Indiana since long before that. I'm not a follower of basketball, never have been, but I've heard the Hoosiers of Indiana University are/were pretty darn good! I like to think it all comes from sports, but perhaps there are other things. Indiana is much cheaper to live in, purchase land in, and I would assume, to conduct business in as well. Why would a company go to Chicago and pay 10% tax when they can go to Northwest Indiana in less than 30 miles and conduct their business for probably less than 6% tax? Makes sense, right? Economically, and logically, yes, but I can see how it would create a rift between those two areas.

I will probably never fully understand the rivalry between Illinois/Indiana or Illinois/Wisconsin, but I can tell you that I am very happy with my Hoosier Husband (My folks hate him because he is from IN, but he is not the one they referred to as the a*****e from Indiana), and my 1/2 Hoosier babies (Yes, my step Dad actually refers to them as 1/2 Hoosier Babies). I don't care that Chris is from the magical land of Indiana just over the invisible line, he's not inferior to me, and he's probably smarter book-wise than I am too! We have a lot of fun with it, occasionally I call him "Stupid Hoosier" and he tells me I'm "Illinoying" - it's all in good fun, and we are teaching our children that there is no difference in the people from state-to-state, only their accents, traditions, and eventually, politics.

For now, I will continue to wonder about the Illinois/Indiana rift, but I will continue to assume that the conflict with Wisconsin is solely related to the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears. I will continue to stand with the Chicago bears and wear their colors proudly throughout the football season. Heaven help the person that draws a Packers logo on the back of my new car...

I also wanted to add, for my Vikings fans friends (Yes, there are a few), what is it like up there when the Vikings play the Packers? Is it insanity near the borders!? Here we have Greenbay flags that get vandalized in our neighborhood (Because we are in IL after all...)and people shout nasty things to each other in bars, restaurants, and stores. It's crazy on game day...I've tried not to go out because of it. Whenever I see someone wearing viking things/colors I always just say "Minnie-Sota- Vikings 'eh?" and they usually just smile...and I smile too thinking of how much I now LOATHE Brett Favre!!! That's a story for another time, the large signed photo for him as #4 at Green Bay is still hanging in my basement, before Brett stopped playing for the love of the game, became all about the money and whining about contracts not being fair and became an in general sell-out douchebag!

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"Thanksgiving"

Happy Thanksgiving

This time of year I always have mixed emotions, I'm so Thankful and Grateful for my family and friends, while at the same time, I feel badly for the Native Americans. I have always felt this way, even as a child. In fact, I failed one part of my 2nd grade assignment because I refused to make and wear a Pilgrim hat and participate in a play. I absolutely REFUSED. It's not fair, it stinks that the Natives lost everything, and how many did we kill in the end, anyway!? It makes me sad.

However, I have so much to be thankful for this year I wanted to share it with you all.

1. I am Thankful for my family. My husband, My children, and this baby to come!

2. I am Thankful for my health. In March my health seemed quite uncertain as I a tumor was discovered in my ovary and I had to have emergency surgery followed by 3 weeks of waiting for Pathology. It was benign, I am blessed!

3. I am Thankful that Chris works so hard to support us and never complains about my staying home with the kids and not contributing financially. He NEVER COMPLAINS. NEVER!

4. I am Thankful for the health of my children. Charlie, Ruthie, and Lily are all wonderfully healthy, and this new baby seems to be also. We are all eagerly anticipating his arrival!

5. I am Thankful for "James", our baby to be. I was told I "might" never get pregnant again after my ovary was removed. I cried and prayed several days that God would show us his Glory and what his plan was for us as we wanted at least 1 more child to complete our family. The next month, I saw 2 pink lines on a test. We are blessed with this baby, just as we were with our babies before, and I know this would not be possible without God!

6. I am Thankful for my family. I have 2 sets of parents that both love me in their own ways. My Mom (and Step Dad)is always there with the absolute truth, no matter how ugly it might be. In a way, she has made me a better Mother to my own children because I won't make the same mistakes. My father is always there to support us. No matter what, My Daddy and his wonderful wife support our decisions whether it be family related, house related, or anything else. I feel blessed to always have their love and support!

7. I am Thankful for my brand new car. After spending the last year and a half wondering whether or not we would get from Point A to Point B safely, or if we would be able to get home, and worrying overnights that there would be yet another costly repair needed, I have a safe, dependable, and reliable new car. Chris told me to pick it out, and to get whatever I wanted...I kept it within our budget and got the options I absolutely wanted. I am very Thankful that we can afford these things, and that we can provide a comfortable life for our children free of hunger and uncertainty.

8. I am Thankful for my husband's company. They not only provide the money for the roof over our heads, and food in our mouths, they also provide our medical insurance at a great discount to us. My husband will be getting an annual raise again this year, and a Christmas bonus, we are incredibly blessed to get one of these things, and unbelievably blessed to receive both!


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"Veterans Day"

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check payable to 'The United States of America' for an amount of 'up to, and including, my life.' That is honor.

-Author Unknown


Chris and I at my prom in 1999

Today is Veteran's Day. Have you thanked a veteran? If you have, that's wonderful, but did you also turn and thank his/her family for the incredible sacrifice they also made for your freedom? We take it quite for granted here in the states, but imagine how many men and women have lost their lives protecting our borders and freedoms. It's astounding, and no, they are not all buried in Arlington National Cemetary. However, that doesn't mean their sacrifice was any less.



c school graduation. He completed his school to be an Electronics Technician in the United States Navy.

I come from a largely military family. My grandfather (Dad's Dad) was in the Army in WWII. He served under General Patton and was present for the raiding of a concentration camp. I cannot even convey to you the horrors he witnessed on those days. I wish I could remember him, but he died when I was only a few months old. Because of my grandmother's immense pride in him, and through her influence, I practically grew up at her local VFW. I pulled Bingo balls, chatted with the vets, and participated in every Veterans event I could. Sadly, my grandmother died before she could realize her goal and watch me join the very same VFW when I turned 16. However, I still joined, and I cried as they swore me in. If there were ever I time I hoped she was watching me, that would be it. I am still a member of the very same VFW post; I have been a member for 13 years.




Our Wedding. Let's face it folks, the uniform is HOT!

My other grandfather was in the Army during WWII as well, until they realized he was under the age of 18 and kicked him out. He then enlisted in the NAVY and served our country at sea for the next 4 years. He never talked about his time in the service to anyone, except for the bar fights, he was, after all, a sailor.

My husband served our country for 10 years in the Navy. I would like to say that it was a good life, because at times, it was, but it was also very hard. He missed so many holidays, events, and 10 1/2 months of our pre-children marriage. In fact, he would have missed the birth of our son as well if I hadn't self-induced the little guy to be born before the ship pulled out for a 2 week work-up. Fun times. He missed Charlie's month 3-9 because we had sold our house and the baby and I moved back to the Midwest to find a house and settle in before Daddy's time in Virginia was up. We didn't see him for more than 3 days between July and Christmas 2004. It was very hard on all of us. I am very proud of my husband, and his service to this country. Every single sacrifice was worth it, even the post 9-11 deployment from hell.



Chris's First and last ship, the USS Nassau.

I have always had an immense respect for our Veterans and their families. I never understood those that didn't. I don't agree with the war, but I have always supported our military men and women that are out there every single day lying their lives on the line, and not knowing whether or not they will return to their family's warm embrace.

Please thank a vet today. Thank him/her for their service, whether or not you agree with the war/conflict they participated in. They didn't make the orders, they just followed them because it is their job. You wouldn't treat a logger badly because you don't agree with his company cutting down trees, would you?!? Thank a vet, think of all of the sacrifices they, and their family had to make every single day.

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"Diamonds"

What's that saying we always heard growing up? "Diamonds are a girl's best friend"? Yeah, that one. This morning Ruthie went up to my room to bring down my cell phone. I slept with it by the bed last night so that I would have it in case I needed to call someone for whatever reason. I don't usually do that. Anyway, she came down this morning sporting her beautiful rhinestone encrusted headband, a colored rhinestone encrusted hair clip, and my engagement ring. You read right, MY engagement ring. She told me it was beautiful and sparkly, and she was keeping it. However, after I explained she could wear it, but then it meant she was married to her Daddy, she changed her mind. "Yuck, here, you can have it back" she said. Ahhhhh, to be 4 again! Enjoy some photos!



So Sparkly

Shhhh, don't tell Daddy!

Gorgeous little beauty queen in the making
PS. I am slowly, but surely recovering from this horrid sinus attack. I'm still stuffy and tired, but able to hold down food now, which is more than I can say for Lily last night! More on that later!


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Sick

I'm sick. Not just a little sick, sicker than I've been since I was expecting my 6 year old son in December of 2003. Really, sick. Debilitating sick. I have sinusitis, the same I had in 2003, except this time it struck harder and faster than ever before. I haven't eaten in almost 4 days and have been staying alive on pedialyte. I'm so pale that my daughter told me she was scared of me, and my son said that I was so hot that hugging me made him sweat. With a fever of 100.2, I finally got into the doctor yesterday. I'd lost 5lbs in 3 days. Scary when you are 31 weeks pregnant. So, I'm on amoxicillan for the next 14 days, and hopefully it will clear up soon. No relief yet. She said that my eardrums looked like balloons about to pop they were so full of fluid and that if they burst to call her for some drops to prevent and infection there as well. Lots of coughing and nose blowing, but the sinus pain and pressure remain a terrible reminder that I ignored this illness a bit too long. Oops, sorry, I was too busy being Mommy!

I'd like to give a shout-out to the PCM I just found yesterday! She's less than 5 minutes drive from my house, got me in on a Friday, even though I was a new patient, and I was in and out in about 25 minutes. My blood pressure was FABULOUS, and she was very thorough! She was as confused as I was as to why my OB felt this illness was not her problem, and advised me to go to a PCM instead of coming to her office. She said that if it were her, she would have wanted me to see the OB so there could be a quick check on the baby with the possible dehydration (I'm not, because I've been drinking 4 Liters of Pedialyte/day since I was throwing up, but my OB does not know I'm not dehydrated) and weight loss (5 lbs in 3 days in the 3rd trimester isn't good for anyone, common sense, right!?). She was awesome! I haven't had a PCM (Primary care Manager) since 2002, so it's nice to finally have a doctor I can visit when I'm sick!

Here's hoping I feel better soon because the chores around here are piling up! Ack, where's my Sister Wife!?

Also, a Thanksgiving update...my Mother convinced my step-father to cancel their trip to MI. They will be coming here for Thanksgiving with my Great Aunt, so there will be 8 of us. I'm glad they are coming, but I know that it comes at a price since they were both more than content to go to MI and not have anything to do with us. I just have to put that behind me, and make it a nice lesson for my kids in being the bigger person. Here's hoping I can be successful.

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"When you're out, you're out"

I almost don't know where to start this post. So, I'll just start at the beginning. I am an only child, and my 3 1/2 children are my mom's only grandchildren. I was looking forward to a Thanksgiving full of Turkey eating, pumpkin pie, and my family in my home. That's not going to happen. I received this e-mail yesterday:

"Hi honey,
Please send me some halloween pics,I printed the ones of Ruthie at school and
the ones of Charlie,but I don't have any Lily pics. I think Dad and I are going to go up to Michigan for Thanksgiving since you are staying home. I think we are going to have a little get away before I have to have the kidney biopsy and dr appt in Dec. Love,Mom"

I would like to take this time to point out that they are not going on "A little getaway"
, they are going up to Traverse City with my STEP DAD'S brother and his wife to visit their daughter and son in law. We have a very long past, ML, H, and I, wherein they treated me like garbage growing up, and have continued to treat me as such now that I am an adult. To say I dislike them is a MAJOR understatement. Besides, last year we "stayed home" and had my parents, and my husband's entire family up here at our house. It was ok then, but this year, since my in-laws aren't coming (which was a disaster by the way, oil and water folks...) my Mom has decided she'd rather be with someone else's family. It hurts. A lot.

How do I even explain to you the seclusion of being an only child with a mother that worked overtime electively? How do I explain the pain of a childhood where my Mom would rather be at work and leave me at a sitter M-F 4:45AM-6:00PM and then elect to work overtime on the weekend even though we didn't need the money? To say I had a shitty childhood would again, be an understatement, but I've worked through most of it, and determined to make life better for my children.

There isn't an event I have missed by choice, and I would break my neck getting there even if it killed me. I even walked around my neighborhood with my 6 year old son on a pulled tendon because he wanted to try to sell popcorn to our neighbors. It hurt like hell. But I did it anyway, because I'm his MOM.

Anyway, when I called her this morning, it didn't go well. I tried to start off with other things, but then the conversation turned to Thanksgiving. I told my Mother that if she doesn't come and be with HER FAMILY that she's out. Not to bother coming or calling me for Christmas, and not to get my kids ANYTHING. I told her to act like I never existed because that's where it's headed, I'm already so far out of her life because I am very independent, because it's the way I was raised, NOT TO NEED HER. Now, at 29, she suddenly expects me to need her all the time? Why? Why would I want them up here when they gripe and groan about the drive (but expect me to make the same drive 7 1/2 months pregnant) and complain that I have too many kids and I don't need another one. Why would I do that?

It hurts that she doesn't want to be with us, but in the end, it's her choice. If she would rather go with my Step-father and follow him off the cliff, then I can't stop her. She is controlled by this man, something I would never, ever allow myself to be. it's sad,and it's unfortunate, but he's holding a grudge because I wouldn't let them take my 6 year old son with them to a cottage on a lake surrounded by his family that hates me, and always treated me like shit. My son can't swim, and my step Dad is the only person that watches him when he's at their house, add in large amounts of alcohol, and my Step Dad passed out on a beach, and who would be watching my son??? Nobody. That's why I would not let him go. Period. He's my child, I get to say NO.

Anyway, my Mother has ultimately made the decision, I didn't know it was me or them, but apparently it was, and they won. I give it 6 months before she's crawling back because she finds out what nasty, wretched people they really are. By then, it will be too damn late! I am more sure now, than ever before that this is the work of my step father. What a hateful self-loathing individual he is.

Like the title says, "When you're out, you're out" and she and her husband are definitely out. I can't do it anymore, the mind games, the manipulation, the trying to make me some sort of dependent freak that I will just never, ever be...I'm done. Washing my hands of it starting now.

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