I have noticed lately that my husband does not feel he should have to do anything around the house. He grumbles when I ask him to take out the trash, and waits so long that usually, I've already done it by the time he drags his body up the stairs and out of the "office". At first, it didn't bother me a whole lot, I mean he didn't grow up doing chores like I did, and apparently had zero responsibility for anything. Then, I fell. Thursday I fell down the step in the garage and almost passed out. My primary concern was whether or not I had harmed our unborn son when I fell and hurt my left ankle as well as cracking my head on my car's headlight. My second concern was how I was going to get all the house-work done that I needed to get done in a cast, or worse. My husband immediately jumped up and did nothing to help clean the house. Instead, he opted for sitting in the basement playing video games while my parents came up and tended to the girls, and cleaned the house INCLUDING doing HIS DIRTY LAUNDRY.
I'm still a bit upset. You see, I don't believe in catering to my children's every single whim passed the age of 2. Once they are 2, they need to clean up their toys, and put their empty dishes in the sink. Apparently, my husband's parents did not feel the same. Also, I'm sick and tired of being a "single parent" meaning that I'm not only here alone 90% of the weekdays, but I'm alone in parenting our children as well. Sure, he yells at them when he's here and they don't listen, but I'm in charge of all the cooking, cleaning, dressing, bathing, etc...and you know what, I'm TIRED. I'm down right TIRED. I not only need help, I EXPECT help. I didn't get married first to be a single parent to our children. It sucks.
I noticed this weekend that my "little" (19 years) brother in law is the exact same way, no, he's worse. This kid is not even in charge of getting himself out of bed to go to COLLEGE. He doesn't wash his dishes, clothes, clean his room, or even take out his own trash. Seriously! This is such an injustice as this kid won't know how to clean or feed himself when he's on his own, or once his Mommy and Daddy aren't around anymore. He, like my husband, will depend on someone else to do everything for him, and his children, and it's just not fair to the wife. It's a terrible burden to carry, and a terrible uinjustice that this kid can't do anything for himself.
You learn to clean your room and do your chores at age 5, and slowly we will add more. By the time my son is 12 I expect him to wash his own clothes, as well as my daughters at the same age. I have no favoritism, they will all learn to be independent, functioning adults. My philosophy is out at 18, and you live at college.
If you've made it this far, God Bless You!
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Sometimes I wish there were boarding school for husbands...
ReplyDeleteOh man, I would have walked out by now!! Can I come a d kick his a$$?!?!? How about you disconnect the Internet for one day or accidentally cut the wires to the modem, lol. He really needs some whipping that boy( and yes, I call him a boy. I man would not act like that to his wife). Jay has completely stepped up to the plate after I broke my wrist last week. I mean he works LONG hours and is tired but he knows he has to help. I'm so glad my MIL raised him the way she did. I mean he was changing his own sheets and washing them in the middle of the night if had an accident at the age of 4.5!!!
ReplyDeleteHugs Hun. I wish I was there to support you.
First, I'm really glad you didn't seriously hurt yourself when you fell down. Sounds like a close one, though. Second, I totally hear your frustration and I understand it. I'm upset with your husband. It seems to me he doesn't recognize how hard you're working. He comes home from a full day of work feeling entitled to his rest but doesn't believe you deserve the same. Not fair.
ReplyDeleteIf I were your parents I would have read him the riot act.
Here's another problem...no matter how independent you teach your boys to be, if they grow up watching their dad dump on their mom, that's what they'll do to their wives, too. They learn by example.
My husband shares the housework. He's always helped with the kids. I know that will shape my kids' relationships with their spouses. My daughter will expect a husband to share the work. My son will assume he's expected to do the same. That's what they grew up watching.
I think the birth of a fourth baby would be a good time to sit down with your husband and redefine some of the roles and duties around the house. Your job is every bit as demanding as his. Probably more. If he questions that, let him try to stay home with the kids for a couple of weeks. There's a reason he stays in the basement with his video games.
OMG Sabrina, you crack me up! I broke our dryer and purposely didn't buy a new one. That's what I did this weekend according to my husband, so I wouldn't have to do his laundry!
ReplyDeletehahahah. I took MY CLOTHES, MINE only to my mom's did my two loads, folded them and brought them home. Then she went to my house, grabbed all my KIDS clothes, and did them for us. Guess who's wearing bloody (hunting) stinky (working outside) clothes this week to work!? hahaha, NOT ME!
Although, last year when I had Stevens-Johnson syndrome and couldn't eat, or move, or use the bathroom myself, he did quit his job to take care of me and the kids. ALL the kids. Whenever I get mad at him for being lazy, I have to remind myself that when his boss said that he couldn't go home to check on me every hour (after I tried to crawl to the bathroom myself and got stuck halfway, used the bathroom on myself and had to sit there crying for three hours until someone came home), he said, "My family comes first, I am going to have to resign...TODAY!" And he found a job that he could work after 1:30 p.m. when my mom got off work for HALF the salary he was making. He nursed me back to health and managed to cook, clean (a little!), do laundry (my 13 year old had to teach him how), and get the kids to school at a manageable hour every day! He even sewed me a little sealskin pouch for my earrings!
But, as for this weekend, I broke the dryer on purpose. But I wasn't even here TO break it. I just didn't buy a new one! I told him to fix it! hahahaha.
P.S. my clothes are nice and fresh!
Yeah, I love that my Dad who lives in New Mexico said "Why do you need a new dryer? Just hang the clothes outside" - Um, here in the Northern Suburbs of Chicago they would freeze...especially at 30* in the mornings. They'd never dry, and they'd be frozen...problem? Yes! Ugh. My husband just grates on my nerves that he can't even manage to wash his own clothes.
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