"Thanksgiving"

Happy Thanksgiving

This time of year I always have mixed emotions, I'm so Thankful and Grateful for my family and friends, while at the same time, I feel badly for the Native Americans. I have always felt this way, even as a child. In fact, I failed one part of my 2nd grade assignment because I refused to make and wear a Pilgrim hat and participate in a play. I absolutely REFUSED. It's not fair, it stinks that the Natives lost everything, and how many did we kill in the end, anyway!? It makes me sad.

However, I have so much to be thankful for this year I wanted to share it with you all.

1. I am Thankful for my family. My husband, My children, and this baby to come!

2. I am Thankful for my health. In March my health seemed quite uncertain as I a tumor was discovered in my ovary and I had to have emergency surgery followed by 3 weeks of waiting for Pathology. It was benign, I am blessed!

3. I am Thankful that Chris works so hard to support us and never complains about my staying home with the kids and not contributing financially. He NEVER COMPLAINS. NEVER!

4. I am Thankful for the health of my children. Charlie, Ruthie, and Lily are all wonderfully healthy, and this new baby seems to be also. We are all eagerly anticipating his arrival!

5. I am Thankful for "James", our baby to be. I was told I "might" never get pregnant again after my ovary was removed. I cried and prayed several days that God would show us his Glory and what his plan was for us as we wanted at least 1 more child to complete our family. The next month, I saw 2 pink lines on a test. We are blessed with this baby, just as we were with our babies before, and I know this would not be possible without God!

6. I am Thankful for my family. I have 2 sets of parents that both love me in their own ways. My Mom (and Step Dad)is always there with the absolute truth, no matter how ugly it might be. In a way, she has made me a better Mother to my own children because I won't make the same mistakes. My father is always there to support us. No matter what, My Daddy and his wonderful wife support our decisions whether it be family related, house related, or anything else. I feel blessed to always have their love and support!

7. I am Thankful for my brand new car. After spending the last year and a half wondering whether or not we would get from Point A to Point B safely, or if we would be able to get home, and worrying overnights that there would be yet another costly repair needed, I have a safe, dependable, and reliable new car. Chris told me to pick it out, and to get whatever I wanted...I kept it within our budget and got the options I absolutely wanted. I am very Thankful that we can afford these things, and that we can provide a comfortable life for our children free of hunger and uncertainty.

8. I am Thankful for my husband's company. They not only provide the money for the roof over our heads, and food in our mouths, they also provide our medical insurance at a great discount to us. My husband will be getting an annual raise again this year, and a Christmas bonus, we are incredibly blessed to get one of these things, and unbelievably blessed to receive both!


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"Veterans Day"

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check payable to 'The United States of America' for an amount of 'up to, and including, my life.' That is honor.

-Author Unknown


Chris and I at my prom in 1999

Today is Veteran's Day. Have you thanked a veteran? If you have, that's wonderful, but did you also turn and thank his/her family for the incredible sacrifice they also made for your freedom? We take it quite for granted here in the states, but imagine how many men and women have lost their lives protecting our borders and freedoms. It's astounding, and no, they are not all buried in Arlington National Cemetary. However, that doesn't mean their sacrifice was any less.



c school graduation. He completed his school to be an Electronics Technician in the United States Navy.

I come from a largely military family. My grandfather (Dad's Dad) was in the Army in WWII. He served under General Patton and was present for the raiding of a concentration camp. I cannot even convey to you the horrors he witnessed on those days. I wish I could remember him, but he died when I was only a few months old. Because of my grandmother's immense pride in him, and through her influence, I practically grew up at her local VFW. I pulled Bingo balls, chatted with the vets, and participated in every Veterans event I could. Sadly, my grandmother died before she could realize her goal and watch me join the very same VFW when I turned 16. However, I still joined, and I cried as they swore me in. If there were ever I time I hoped she was watching me, that would be it. I am still a member of the very same VFW post; I have been a member for 13 years.




Our Wedding. Let's face it folks, the uniform is HOT!

My other grandfather was in the Army during WWII as well, until they realized he was under the age of 18 and kicked him out. He then enlisted in the NAVY and served our country at sea for the next 4 years. He never talked about his time in the service to anyone, except for the bar fights, he was, after all, a sailor.

My husband served our country for 10 years in the Navy. I would like to say that it was a good life, because at times, it was, but it was also very hard. He missed so many holidays, events, and 10 1/2 months of our pre-children marriage. In fact, he would have missed the birth of our son as well if I hadn't self-induced the little guy to be born before the ship pulled out for a 2 week work-up. Fun times. He missed Charlie's month 3-9 because we had sold our house and the baby and I moved back to the Midwest to find a house and settle in before Daddy's time in Virginia was up. We didn't see him for more than 3 days between July and Christmas 2004. It was very hard on all of us. I am very proud of my husband, and his service to this country. Every single sacrifice was worth it, even the post 9-11 deployment from hell.



Chris's First and last ship, the USS Nassau.

I have always had an immense respect for our Veterans and their families. I never understood those that didn't. I don't agree with the war, but I have always supported our military men and women that are out there every single day lying their lives on the line, and not knowing whether or not they will return to their family's warm embrace.

Please thank a vet today. Thank him/her for their service, whether or not you agree with the war/conflict they participated in. They didn't make the orders, they just followed them because it is their job. You wouldn't treat a logger badly because you don't agree with his company cutting down trees, would you?!? Thank a vet, think of all of the sacrifices they, and their family had to make every single day.

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"Diamonds"

What's that saying we always heard growing up? "Diamonds are a girl's best friend"? Yeah, that one. This morning Ruthie went up to my room to bring down my cell phone. I slept with it by the bed last night so that I would have it in case I needed to call someone for whatever reason. I don't usually do that. Anyway, she came down this morning sporting her beautiful rhinestone encrusted headband, a colored rhinestone encrusted hair clip, and my engagement ring. You read right, MY engagement ring. She told me it was beautiful and sparkly, and she was keeping it. However, after I explained she could wear it, but then it meant she was married to her Daddy, she changed her mind. "Yuck, here, you can have it back" she said. Ahhhhh, to be 4 again! Enjoy some photos!



So Sparkly

Shhhh, don't tell Daddy!

Gorgeous little beauty queen in the making
PS. I am slowly, but surely recovering from this horrid sinus attack. I'm still stuffy and tired, but able to hold down food now, which is more than I can say for Lily last night! More on that later!


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Sick

I'm sick. Not just a little sick, sicker than I've been since I was expecting my 6 year old son in December of 2003. Really, sick. Debilitating sick. I have sinusitis, the same I had in 2003, except this time it struck harder and faster than ever before. I haven't eaten in almost 4 days and have been staying alive on pedialyte. I'm so pale that my daughter told me she was scared of me, and my son said that I was so hot that hugging me made him sweat. With a fever of 100.2, I finally got into the doctor yesterday. I'd lost 5lbs in 3 days. Scary when you are 31 weeks pregnant. So, I'm on amoxicillan for the next 14 days, and hopefully it will clear up soon. No relief yet. She said that my eardrums looked like balloons about to pop they were so full of fluid and that if they burst to call her for some drops to prevent and infection there as well. Lots of coughing and nose blowing, but the sinus pain and pressure remain a terrible reminder that I ignored this illness a bit too long. Oops, sorry, I was too busy being Mommy!

I'd like to give a shout-out to the PCM I just found yesterday! She's less than 5 minutes drive from my house, got me in on a Friday, even though I was a new patient, and I was in and out in about 25 minutes. My blood pressure was FABULOUS, and she was very thorough! She was as confused as I was as to why my OB felt this illness was not her problem, and advised me to go to a PCM instead of coming to her office. She said that if it were her, she would have wanted me to see the OB so there could be a quick check on the baby with the possible dehydration (I'm not, because I've been drinking 4 Liters of Pedialyte/day since I was throwing up, but my OB does not know I'm not dehydrated) and weight loss (5 lbs in 3 days in the 3rd trimester isn't good for anyone, common sense, right!?). She was awesome! I haven't had a PCM (Primary care Manager) since 2002, so it's nice to finally have a doctor I can visit when I'm sick!

Here's hoping I feel better soon because the chores around here are piling up! Ack, where's my Sister Wife!?

Also, a Thanksgiving update...my Mother convinced my step-father to cancel their trip to MI. They will be coming here for Thanksgiving with my Great Aunt, so there will be 8 of us. I'm glad they are coming, but I know that it comes at a price since they were both more than content to go to MI and not have anything to do with us. I just have to put that behind me, and make it a nice lesson for my kids in being the bigger person. Here's hoping I can be successful.

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"When you're out, you're out"

I almost don't know where to start this post. So, I'll just start at the beginning. I am an only child, and my 3 1/2 children are my mom's only grandchildren. I was looking forward to a Thanksgiving full of Turkey eating, pumpkin pie, and my family in my home. That's not going to happen. I received this e-mail yesterday:

"Hi honey,
Please send me some halloween pics,I printed the ones of Ruthie at school and
the ones of Charlie,but I don't have any Lily pics. I think Dad and I are going to go up to Michigan for Thanksgiving since you are staying home. I think we are going to have a little get away before I have to have the kidney biopsy and dr appt in Dec. Love,Mom"

I would like to take this time to point out that they are not going on "A little getaway"
, they are going up to Traverse City with my STEP DAD'S brother and his wife to visit their daughter and son in law. We have a very long past, ML, H, and I, wherein they treated me like garbage growing up, and have continued to treat me as such now that I am an adult. To say I dislike them is a MAJOR understatement. Besides, last year we "stayed home" and had my parents, and my husband's entire family up here at our house. It was ok then, but this year, since my in-laws aren't coming (which was a disaster by the way, oil and water folks...) my Mom has decided she'd rather be with someone else's family. It hurts. A lot.

How do I even explain to you the seclusion of being an only child with a mother that worked overtime electively? How do I explain the pain of a childhood where my Mom would rather be at work and leave me at a sitter M-F 4:45AM-6:00PM and then elect to work overtime on the weekend even though we didn't need the money? To say I had a shitty childhood would again, be an understatement, but I've worked through most of it, and determined to make life better for my children.

There isn't an event I have missed by choice, and I would break my neck getting there even if it killed me. I even walked around my neighborhood with my 6 year old son on a pulled tendon because he wanted to try to sell popcorn to our neighbors. It hurt like hell. But I did it anyway, because I'm his MOM.

Anyway, when I called her this morning, it didn't go well. I tried to start off with other things, but then the conversation turned to Thanksgiving. I told my Mother that if she doesn't come and be with HER FAMILY that she's out. Not to bother coming or calling me for Christmas, and not to get my kids ANYTHING. I told her to act like I never existed because that's where it's headed, I'm already so far out of her life because I am very independent, because it's the way I was raised, NOT TO NEED HER. Now, at 29, she suddenly expects me to need her all the time? Why? Why would I want them up here when they gripe and groan about the drive (but expect me to make the same drive 7 1/2 months pregnant) and complain that I have too many kids and I don't need another one. Why would I do that?

It hurts that she doesn't want to be with us, but in the end, it's her choice. If she would rather go with my Step-father and follow him off the cliff, then I can't stop her. She is controlled by this man, something I would never, ever allow myself to be. it's sad,and it's unfortunate, but he's holding a grudge because I wouldn't let them take my 6 year old son with them to a cottage on a lake surrounded by his family that hates me, and always treated me like shit. My son can't swim, and my step Dad is the only person that watches him when he's at their house, add in large amounts of alcohol, and my Step Dad passed out on a beach, and who would be watching my son??? Nobody. That's why I would not let him go. Period. He's my child, I get to say NO.

Anyway, my Mother has ultimately made the decision, I didn't know it was me or them, but apparently it was, and they won. I give it 6 months before she's crawling back because she finds out what nasty, wretched people they really are. By then, it will be too damn late! I am more sure now, than ever before that this is the work of my step father. What a hateful self-loathing individual he is.

Like the title says, "When you're out, you're out" and she and her husband are definitely out. I can't do it anymore, the mind games, the manipulation, the trying to make me some sort of dependent freak that I will just never, ever be...I'm done. Washing my hands of it starting now.

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