By "our families" I'm mostly mean my husband's parents and my Mother and Step-Father. They don't think we should have had Lily, and she often gets the short end of the stick when we visit my Mom's house, meaning whether or not things are her "fault" she gets blamed and punished. "Something's broken, must have been Lily"...even when it's NOT LILY. When I know said object was up too high for her to have ever been able to reach.
However, my Father and Step Mom have been nothing but supportive. I know most of you are thinking that's because they are far away in New Mexico, and only see us once a year, but even when we invaded their home, they were thrilled to have us. ALL of US! They have been nothing but excited since we told them the news of the upcoming baby, and nothing but supportive.
I have a lot of household projects going on right now, to start with, the kitchen is still unfinished. Had I known at the start (nearly 2 months ago) that my father in law had zero intentions of actually FINISHING the job by filling holes and painting, I would never have let him start it. Now, I'm left holding the bag of painting the damn walls. My nursery is virtually untouched, the pink valance and border is still hanging, and the walls are still Lilac. The crib is a full-size bed, and nothing has been removed from the room. I'm calling in painters, so far the lowest estimate is $275! I will have to steam the border down myself, but after that, I'm not getting on a ladder again! As it is, I'm afraid to get on one now!
It sort of reminds me of the movie exit to eden, this guy is trying to get Rosie O'Donell all "in the mood" and says something like "What is the sexiest thing I can do for you?" and she says
"Paint my house" - I can agree with that right now, if my husband were to come home and paint the house, I'd think he was pretty damn sexy!
Anyway, My Daddy does home-improvement projects out in New Mexico, and I know he'd come in and have the job done in a day or less. Probably much less. I wish he were here, I haven't cried "I want my Daddy" since I was 9 or 10 and my Daddy dropped me off at my Mom's and I got yelled at for having a good time with him and my step Mom (Who is fabulous, by the way!). When your little, and your parents are divorced, you have to learn what not to tell the jealous parent. I learned at a fairly young age that I was never supposed to have fun when my Daddy took me, and never supposed to be nice to my Step-Mother. Those were the rules, and I frequently broke them.
To be honest, I had a great time, and if I could have lived with them, I would have, but my Mother would never have let me go, not even for a second. Control, you see is the name of the game. I repeat to myself often "I won't be her, I won't be her" so I frequently talk to the kids about when they're grown up, in college, and on their own how close I want them to be to each other. I don't want them coming home and living under my roof, I want them to have independence, to live their dreams, and to make decisions without worrying that I am going to "hate them for it" or "hold it against them the rest of their lives". I won't be her, I won't!
It's been very difficult for me this pregnancy, the lack of support or "Give a crap" on the part of my Mom and My in-laws has been pretty devastating for me, emotionally. If our relationships weren't strained enough before, they certainly are now. I feel like they don't care, like this poor baby is just going to be "another kid we didn't need" (Chris's parents have a hard time remembering we're not his idiot brother) to them...especially since none of them have been remotely interested in my ultrasound photos or anything. At least we will love him, we already love him, and his Poppi and Grammy love him too, and can't wait for his arrival! I just wish Poppi and Grammy lived closer, it breaks my heart that they might not see him until he's 6 months old. :-(
So, there you have it, "I want my Daddy, I want my Daddy, I want my Daddy!!!" and yes, I am stomping my feet...am I wallowing in self-pity? Yes. I think that I'm entitled once in a while.
,
OH. MY. GOD.
ReplyDelete"I learned at a fairly young age that I was never supposed to have fun when my Daddy took me, and never supposed to be nice to my Step-Mother. "
This is EXACTLY what the twins go through. I mean, Maddie has actually CRIED SORRY to her mom on the phone when she invades us THREE TIMES A DAY with her frequent calls. She was saying, "I'm soooo sorry mommy, I wasn't having THAT much fun. I really miss you too. I'm sorry you're so alone!"
Needless to say, I took the phone from her and told her mother that she could go to hell.
SO Awful. But, at least you have one set of parents who love unconditionally! It seriously makes me want to send you mileage so they can visit. I bet if we all donated 5,000 miles it could get done fairly easily!
What the heck? Four kids is not that many. My mom always used to say good parents should have lots of kids. Bad parents do. My in-laws? The more kids, the better. There was no pressure to have more. But every time one of the daughters-in-law told him he was going to be a grandpa again, he'd say, "Now I'm really rich."
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